Hi.I have just found out my husband is a drug addict. I found him injecting himself in the arm in the bathroom at our home. I think its methamphetamine by evidence I found. (white powder, distilled water,small syringe.
We are both young ,not yet 30. been together 6 years.
we have been trying for 2 years to have a baby but after many tests, he has a problem with his sperm count. I am in shock and so sad that he has been doing this whilst we have been trying to fall pregnant. What if i had fallen pregnant with a child with a disability? I have had this "perfect marriage" for 3 years now, so inlove with this man, and to find out he has been injecting himself is just too much for me. Putting the puzzle together, I think he has been doing it for 2-3 years. he says its only been 1 year. we have worked hard to build a life together with dreams. he has an amazing job that pays well but we have been struggling financially for a long time. looking through our bank statements it is clear where all the money is going. 15 thousand dollars in 6 months,gone. He works in the mining industry so he said the drug was Duramine-which is a legalised form of speed-weight loss tablet that people use to stay awake. I dont believe it as he has lied, everything he says is a lie, and i have been so naiive. I asked him yesterday "why did you do it?" he said "I dont know... maybe because I could get away with it."
I have booked him in to see a doctor who will hopefully recomend he see a psychiatrist. Its important that I add this- when I met my husband 6 years ago he was snorting speed recreationally along with smoking pot. He was very thin and when i met him we met in a club. it was love at first sight, moved in 2 months later and he proposed 1 year later. I said to him, I will not accept drugs in my life, so its either me or the drugs. he chose me and left that life behind him. we moved towns, started fresh and i think he didnt do drugs for 2 years after that. he looked healthy, exercised alot and was fit.we were so happy. lately his personality has changed so much. he has put on weight, he looks "dirty", has a smelly breath, has alot of wind, eats junk food, stays up all night tweaking and playing tv games. has thrown a few tantrums lately, throwing things, and over reacting to things. he has become abit parranoid with dirt- washed his hands alot, has had hallucinations etc. What do i do from here? he said he will do anything, but when i mentioned rehab he refused. he says he can do it on his own. i think he is in denial... for him to have done it under my nose for all this time, i feel so betrayed. please can someone advise me of what to do? thank you
What to do- husband a drug addict?
Question posted by needsamiracle on 11 May 2011
Last updated on 16 November 2011
11 Answers
I have been a user in past. Went to rehab, na, aa, hit rock bottom then went to prison, and my sister lost her legs while we were using heroin and meth. The person themselves have to be ready and its hard for me to tell you to do this because i cant do it with my friends and family who still use but tough love does help. You cant tell them to choose you or drugs because they do love you but there is always a reason someone uses. Like for me death of father at young age then I quit when i went to military and stacked PTSD on top of it for an example. They have to find problem while sober to why they use and talk it out I use church as my group therapy(na, aa, rehab, and anything used to quit involve a spiritual start). But relapses do happen and be there for him tell him you just need to learn from mistake(whatever trigger maybe) and like for me if i do I go to church immediately following. I hope this helps.
I believe only God can free you and cut your chains..but relapses will still be there right? The devil won't let you go easy..you reli have to ask and want God to rescue and cleanse you
Needs a miracle, I hope things have been ?okay? for you as well. It is always a life-shaking experience when we found out the one we have chosen to build a life with has become a shadow of their former selves.
I hope that you are doing well, and have been able to continue on with the wonderful (Though oh so hard) choices you have made!
*Hugs*
Just checking in to see how Babeau was doing. Everyone gave her such good advice! I just hope she has been able to tap into her inner strength and with God's help build a "fortress" for herself and her kids. (Last message was in June.)
Babeau, I hope you are well and have been able to let him go.
"Run" truly IS the best advice. (Though sometimes we must crawl away first... )
*hugs*
Hi Daveprime thank you so much for asking how I have been... yes I got the best advice..life-changing and eye-opener... Im free now... I feel so free so light and so thankful..I told my hubby he is a ver bad raw model to my teen sons and that I want him out of mY life for good... in fact even if he stops, I still don't want him..coz no one can beat meth.I don't hav the energy emotions time and resources to be with him when he relapses..life is short and I want to be happY and healthy..God has to make me see how bad and hopeless he is to make me end my hopes and unanswered questions.. I filed divorce though we call it annulment here and I don't think of him at all..if ever I think of him I just felt relieved I left him right away and I did not allow him destroy us.. I am forever grateful to needs miracle and puckiemull and all the advices I read in this forum... you guys saved my life..you are angles of God..thank you for the kind and truthful words...
after I ended everything with my hubby, I let my friend read all the advices here and she said, it amazing how appropriate the advices were..truly amazing..God is so awesome.. as need miracle said, I would rather be alone and healthy than be with someone but sick and crazy... being a single mom is a blessing in disguise..I am embracing it.thanks a lot guys more power and God bless..oh how are u needs miracle?
Guys thank you im crying again i cancelled my hearing i feel weak i need time to grieve i know i have to let him go..i already did that..im just feeling the grief... yes God sends people with wisdom to shield us from further harm.. I will be ok..God is with me... I want to have a new start... thank you for those encouraging and truthful words... i have never heard it before from others... thank you God bless you you have good soul... i thank God for you
Thank you guys for your message..it made me cry..it gave me hope..God is really good... I dont share my problem with anyone..I am an orphan and my brother who is a police officer is quite busy..i hav a sister overseas but she has her own problems too..what you said was true..i can not help him... im in too so much pain now because im emotionally attached to him again... guess i nver stopped loving him..but i hav to lovemyselg now and the kids..i dont know how to tell him to stop calling and texting..he knows where we live... its my house..he might come visit anytime..he will never admit..he is in denial.. i dont see marks for injection so i guess he is smoking..i hav never seen him use drugs..i only see signs and changes in his behaviour..if i tel him he is no longer welcome to visit, will he agree..he is very insensitive..i dont think he wud persist..he know he can not live without drugs but he can live without me,,he has done it for 13 years...
i always hav low self esteem..guess i hav middle child syndrome... i really want to dettach and forget him again..maybe it will be easier in time... thanks again..u guys are heaven sent..
Post aytime beabeau,
We are all here for you,if your husband can just let you and your kids go as easy as all that then ye are all better off without him.You have to be strong girl and try build that self esteem back up,you are worth more then that and keep telling yourself so.
You can get through this and over him and move on,find someone who will love and respect you like you deserve!
I wish you all the best,let us know how things go!
Take care
Dear Beaubeau,
I am just so grateful I did not have children with my husband. It makes it all so much harder. I know this is hard but when you are a parent, it’s the highest calling we will ever have. Our number one job is to protect our children. Your husband is a very bad role model for your two boys and they are better off not being exposed to his lifestyle. Have your boys been in contact with your husband over the last13 years?
“The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior unless they walk out of their history.”-Dr.Phil
I would not leave my kids alone with someone on drugs ever.
“Children learn what they live. “ Your boys are at a very fragile age of their lives- teenagers.. They need all of your love and support, guidance, protection. They need a safe home.
You cannot give your children 100 % of you if you are stressed, depressed, worried, and are running around trying to look after your husband. I would rather be healthy alone then sick with someone else.
Have you been alone for 13 years? It’s interesting what you wrote:
he know he can not live without drugs but he can live without me,,he has done it for 13 years..
that answers your question… he has chosen the drugs over you.
You earn a good living, have a good profession; you don’t need to rely on your husband. He might end up using your money for his drugs. My husband was so clever how he withdrew money always… thousands of dollars of my money gone to support his drug habit. I worked hard for my money.. Addicts are so incredibly selfish. Its all about them.. What they want. Never about you.
Did he have affairs with other women??? With drugs comes affairs, PORN and all kinds of things.. I had to recently go for a full checkup , to check for sexually transmitted diseases, Hep B,Hep c, HIV! Because when my husband was on drugs I don’t know what he was up to. It’s so degrading for us women.
One big fear of mine is what drugs can do to the mind. Drug induced psychosis, schizophrenia… it’s all very common and you don’t know what you’re dealing with. I started noticing changes in my husbands mental state.. Its scary. I know of someone who got drug induced schizophrenia from smoking meth and he tried to kill his wife.
I did all I could to inform myself about the drug.. these are good websites you should check out… they helped me. Everyone has a story and you might find some that relate to you.
www.kci.org/
www.methproject.org
I know this is hard, but you only have one life. Whatever you decide, make sure it’s for you and your children. Not for anyone else. You can still love and miss your husband. With him or without him.. I hope you make the right decision for you. Take your time, and look within you. Deep down, You will know what to do. Please let me know how you are going, I was so sad when I read your email I got quite emotional. I feel your pain, and you are not alone. These beautiful women on this website got me through what I went through and they were a wonderful support. I am eternally grateful to them. We are all here for you, ok. ;) And believe me, it seems so hard now and it really is.. but it does get better. The sun will shine again.
I am praying for you and your precious boys.
Neddsamiracle,
Its so great hearing you talk so possitively and open about your experience with your husband,i know you had it extremely hard and went through such a tough time,but i'm so proud that you took the advice and made up your mind to go it alone and you obviously made the right desicion,i admire the advice you have given beabeau and i truely hope she takes it in,you speak from experience,you've been there and thats what we love to hear,good things coming out of bad situations and thankfully you are one of them.
So to both of you,good luck with your future and Beabeau,we are all here to suppport you and help you along,stay strong for yourself and your kids.
Time will heal and you deserve so much better than what your husband has to offer.
I really appreciate your advice guys..amazing how i feel peace and calmness now..i used to be agitated and stressed..hearing your experiences made it easy for me not be be hurt and affected..well i still am but not that much... 13 years ago i left my hubby... i committeed him to a hospital detox but when he was transferred to a rehab center he left. i was told by the pschiatrist to dettach... my hubby never get in touch with my children for 13 years..he did hav affairs, used women with money and did drugs intensively... he had been using since college..he is using for more than 20 years i guess..when he was in high sch he committed suicide by stabbing his tummy with knife... he had a history of self destructive behaviour..for 13 years i hav forgotten about him but i became man hater initially..i was bitter..i became a christian and my spirituality made me lket go of hatred and bitterness...
when we met again this January 2011, he was teaching in another city so we had a long distance relationship til march. he visits once a month for 5 days max. He told me he stopped doing drugs but only drinking alcohol. we stayed together for 2 months this april and may. thats when i found out he is till using. he stole money from me and would get money when i asked him to do errands. our initial plan was for him to quit his job and look for a job in my city so we can be together. he tried to stop. he was sleeping eating and always tired/fatigue. maybe his body was trying to recover. then he used. i bought him ticket and sent him back to his family. i confronted him but he denied. he said i give him one more month and he will show me that i can trust him. i sent him home. that was june. now he is teaching but when he returned he binged and i could not hav a logical conversation with hi, his voice was hoarse and he was coughing. he know i know he is using. there was a time when he would call i would not answer. then he stopped calling and texting. maybe i dont even need to end our relationship as he was the one staying away from us. was it shame that made him not call or was he so high that he is devoid of emotions. I was thoinking i just let it be. useless to confront him he denies. would it help if i text him spiritual messages. I was hoping to bring him to a couples retreat this august at our church. It might show him that with God nothing is impossible. That God heals and that the devils lie is holding him in the dark but Jesus it the light the way and the truth... sorry my faith is a bit deep right now i know that the enemy is the devil and Gods word and worship and faith and prayers are my weapon. he is not living with us and would only visit once amonth maybe even less when he has no fare... would it be okey if i just let my situation like this?
To be quiet honest and i dont mean to be rude beabeau,
but NO,i dont think it would be a good idea leaving your relationship like this,you have to move on,let him do his own thing and you start fresh with your life.He has made his choices and they are bad ones,now its time you made yours.He has'nt been there for you or your kids and letting him come and go when he pleases is just messing you about,never mind your kids,what they must be thinking,he is not setting a good example for them and neither are you by letting him treat you this way.He has got his chances time and time again by the sounds of it and he is not and will not change.Given the history you shared that he has with self destrution-there is no way at this point in his life is he going to change.I'm sorry i dont mean to be hurtful or upset you,but you need to leave him be,you need to get on with your life.You or god or noone else will change him,he has to decide that on his own and preaching to him and with the strong faith you have-he wont listen to that,he is not ina place to be close to god so please do not waste anymore of your time or your kids time and love by waiting for this man to be who you want him to be.
Please think about what i said,i know it sounds blunt but you need to hear it!!
Thank you Puckiemull thank you i need to hear that it made me cry and it really hurts... its so painful that i have to do this again... i pray i have the courage to close the door and move on. im soo sad... im crying and i feel so alone... he will not stop..and i hav to forget him again... il tell him he is not welcome in this house...
I did'nt say it to make you cry sweetie,i truely did'nt,i just wanted you to open your eyes before he tears your whole family apart!
This is something you need to do for your kids and YOU!!
Make a clean start! I'm gonna friend you and if you want to friend me back we can talk privately!!I only want to give you the best advice i can from personal experience,not to hurt or upset you but i think you deserve so much better and know that you can and will find someone someday who will treat you how you should be treated!!
Hi Beaubeau
You can see by your husbands actions that he does not (and possibly cannot ) change. You seem to have what they call a “parent –child relationship” you’re the parent, he is the child. Do you really want that? I had that and you give give give, because it makes you fell good but they just TAKE and give nothing in return. Don’t YOU want an EQUAL partner by your side? A man that’s going to be there for you and support you and LOVE you and treat you well. Doesn’t that sound like a better life? Picture your life in 10, 20 years time with this man. Imagine his mind.. he is already shown possible mental illness by stabbing his stomach, why would you want to expose someone like that to your children or yourself! You say he has a history of self destructive behavior- that is also why he does the drugs, he does not love himself..
I was told that they take drugs to numb the pain, they hurt themselves physically to “FEEL” and sometimes they build a lot of muscles(like my ex) to build tissue and put a barrier up against the outside world. I thought that was interesting. Look, it doesn’t matter why he does the drugs, or when , how etc. you are on a ship that’s sinking, you can either stay on it and go under with him, or you can choose to GET OFF quickly and let him sink on his own. That’s what I did.
You need to Expect more for yourself in life, why do you want to settle for this? There are millions of men out there that would treat you better than this one. Love is blind, remember that. You will love again. Release this man with love. Just release him sweetheart. ” He is not for you”
The best advice someone ever told me was RUN!!!
Best not to send him spiritual messages, you can send them to his family, and they can send it to him. Its too hard if you have contact with him.. you will still be tied together by the messages, best to hand him over to his family, they can look after him, its not your problem anymore.. you have the rest of your life, live it! I wasted 6 years of my life with my ex. Don’t waste one more day!!! You can pray for him from a distance. If he wants to seek God and get saved, he will walk into that church on his own. He is a grown man and can do things for himself if he WANTS to. You look after you now. Take time to grieve, cry all you can, get him out of your system, and then move on. Don’t look back, just take one step at a time in the right direction.
You CAN DO IT!
EXCELLENT advice from Puckimull!!! I agree with everything. Everything happens for a reason in life, you need to see the clues. You met us for a reason and God sends people into our lives to send us messages. You need to be open to these messages and receive them. You have the strength within you to get through this. God has other plans for you,cant you see? Bigger better plans. I know this.
beaubeau
theres a saying - Fool me once - shame on YOU
Fool me twice - shame on ME
Hiya there
Just reading back on the posts and wondered how you are doing??Did you make up your mind as what to do reguarding your husband.I do hope you are well my dear and you've made the decision that is right for you!!
Try let me know how things are with you,noone is here to judge just hoping your doing ok.I wish you well!!
Take care
Hi puckiemull
Thanks or your answers and concern ;)
pls read my comment to duhbuglady22 and laurieshay. thanks ;)
The last 2 weeks has been so crazy. I did leave my husband. He is staying with his mum now. He wants a second chance to prove to me that he has changed. I told him he had a million chances, everytime he stuck a needle in his arm, that was a chance.. he cries all the time because it was a shock that i left him. i still talk to him daily and am trying to support him through this. I feel i have made the right decision as i know what i want(to be happy/healthy/ family/kids) and i know what i dont want... and what i dont want is a man who lies, cheats, betrays me, deceives me,etc... all of which my husband has done. i cannot believe how a drug can change a persons mind to such extremes in such a short period of time... he was a wonderful kind gentle loving man and he has become so weak, selfpleasing and dishonnest.
i wonder what possesses someone to stick a needle in ones arm. I would be too scared. then i would think- hang on..i have people in my life and i might lose them.i just dont know why he did it... i do feel like i wasnt enough and i feel like i am losing my mind at times because of all the things that i have uncovered-its like something out of a movie... i am just trying to get through each and every day... but I would rather be happy alone then sick with someone else.
We are sorting out our debts etc... we have SO much debt because of his drug habbit. Now because we are married, I walk away with half the debt, its so unfair... but things can only get better, they cannot get worse so i just have to move on now and try to find happiness. I will always love my husband but I pray he gets better and I let him go with love.
Awh sweetie,I'm sorry to hear you've been going through so much,i was worried when we didnt hear from you what was going on,but i'm glad you made a desicion and in my opinion you made the right one,i know its not easy and i can only imagine what you must be going through the last few weeks and how tough this must have been on you to finally get him to leave.
I am proud of you for doing so as you deserve so much better,i do agree that if he wanted help then maybe after alot of time and effort from his side then maybe,but still he is not making any effort and as i said to you before the guilt and blame he is laying on you is just an addicts way of making himself feel better for what they are doing.
You dont want that life of lies,cheating,emotional abuse that an addict can bring,you are right to let him go and very admirable of you to stil stay in contact to see how he is going,it shows just how much of a loving person you are,so please stay strong,keep in your head the life you will have,you will meet your soulmate that will be drug free zone and be able to live again and find peace,and start the family you want so bad.
I do wish your husband well also i hope he eventually see's there is light at the other side of a needle,only time will tell that but you my friend do not wait around for that to happen coz there is no point you putting your life on hold for something might not change.
Your life can only get better from now on,so chin up hun and take baby steps,you'll get there. I see you've friended me so i'm gonna friend you back and we can talk privately if you would like.Do not feel alone,post anytime we are all here for you and will help you through this time in your life.
I admire your courage. My husband is a meth addict too. I left him 13 years ago after he left a rehab center and used/bing on meth. He never looked for us. I had a good life. I became a renewed Christian. We hav two boys ages 14 and 12 now. I was pregnant when I left him. Life has been good and abundant. God was my shills and my protector. I am a lawyer and I make a pretty well. Last Xmas, my husband had a reunion and I was invited by my bro in law. I was told my husband would not be there.they just wana meet my kids. I went and saw my husband. Reunion was planned by his bro and uncle for us. We fell in love again. We realized we never stop loving each other. He had affairs wen I was not around. He works as a professor in their family owned sch. We first had a long distance affair but we united for two 3 months. He said he stopped since he had accident. He only drinks alcohol. He even wanted to hav another child. Told me his girlfriend had a miscarriage before.
It was also llong distance since she was working as nurse in Canada. Impound out he was still using. He never stopped. He uses to teach and he binges after stopping for a month since he was with me. I sent him home to his father. He is still teaching. He used to call but after I discovered his drug use, he stopped or calls very seldom. He is still in denial. He does not want to stop. I cried but I'm ok now. I did not end our relationship. He said he will visit. I would text him spiritual messages. He is in the dark because of the devils lie. What do I do to help him from a distance.?
I admire your courage. My husband is a meth addict too. I left him 13 years ago after he left a rehab center and used/bing on meth. He never looked for us. I had a good life. I became a renewed Christian. We hav two boys ages 14 and 12 now. I was pregnant when I left him. Life has been good and abundant. God was my shills and my protector. I am a lawyer and I make a pretty well. Last Xmas, my husband had a reunion and I was invited by my bro in law. I was told my husband would not be there.they just wana meet my kids. I went and saw my husband. Reunion was planned by his bro and uncle for us. We fell in love again. We realized we never stop loving each other. He had affairs wen I was not around. He works as a professor in their family owned sch. We first had a long distance affair but we united for two 3 months. He said he stopped since he had accident. He only drinks alcohol. He even wanted to hav another child. Told me his girlfriend had a miscarriage before.
It was also llong distance since she was working as nurse in Canada. Impound out he was still using. He never stopped. He uses to teach and he binges after stopping for a month since he was with me. I sent him home to his father. He is still teaching. He used to call but after I discovered his drug use, he stopped or calls very seldom. He is still in denial. He does not want to stop. I cried but I'm ok now. I did not end our relationship. He said he will visit. I would text him spiritual messages. He is in the dark because of the devils lie. What do I do to help him from a distance.?
Hi Beabeau
I would advise you to let your husband admit he has a problem and face up to his denials,until then there is nothing you or anyone can do to help him.You can pray for him yes but as far as hanging around to pick up the pieces-i would'nt!! Your are just causing yourself more pain and putting your kids through it also,as you probably read the comments posted to the other woman,you are in the same boat and the same advice aplies to you my friend.Your life will be a neverending train wreck if you continue to try help your husband when he wont admit that he needs help.That is my advice to you,from personal experience of been an addict and living with one it just does'nt work until the person really wants to help themselves.If and when he does want out of the lifestyle he is presently living then yes you can be there to help and encourage him but until then,you've tried your best,its up to him now!
Dear Beaubeau
I am so sorry to hear about your story.. its so sad this problem with drugs. Its admirable that you are trying to help him. In my experience of trying to help my husband, it did not work. It brought me down, whilst I phoned him and talked to him and tried to help, after the phone call he felt great and I felt sad, tired, and down. Completely deflated. He would talk about how he “needed me” and then use that to suck me back in. Like you, I also love my husband deeply and I probably always will. But we cannot help them. This is just my opinion from my experience with my husband. He said he will stop and he was crying and weak. Then when I spoke to him on the phone again.. he was strong and sounded good. That means that he is using, because they cannot stop from one day to the next. They choose not to stop. They choose the drugs as their number One love. Their wives come after the drugs. You cannot compete with it.
My husband has moved on quite quickly actually. I don’t hear from him at all anymore. He just carried on and I hear he is well. He is still working and living life. He is ok because he has his drugs and that’s all that matters to him, no matter what he says. The distance thing you mentioned is typical of a drug user. That sort of lifestyle suits them because they can have their binges and drugs when they are away yet still maintaining a relationship over the phone with you. Then they can be on their best behavior when they are home because they have their fix when they are away. My husband was away a lot, he worked away. That also makes it difficult for us to see if they are doing drugs. Its amazing that you left 13 years ago and you were pregnant. Try thinking about how you felt at that moment. How did you feel towards him for putting you in that situation? Anger? Disappointment? Frustration? Remember those emotions and memories before you go back to him. That will make you strong. I have many moment of weakness when I cry and miss my husband. One tends to always remember the good times but you must remember the bad times. You deserve to be happy and you need to find that for yourself and your children. Use that energy you would be spending on your husband, on yourself. I have found that my self-esteem has been low and my self worth. Deep down it has been. And I never realized it. That’s also why I allowed myself to be with a man who treated me that way. I have to work on myself now so that I don’t attract another man like that into my life again. Try doing thing for you. I have found yoga and meditation to be very helpful in finding peace. A question for you-was he injecting or smoking meth?
So many people do meth. People you would never expect, doctors, theater nurses, vets… they are called functioning addicts. You have to make a choice- either you accept that he does meth and stay with him or if you cannot accept that and you do not want to live that life then you leave.. for good. The choice is yours and yours only. If he wants to stop he would’ve by now. And another thing is don’t listen to an addict-they lie all the time.
I wish you all the best, and I am here for you anytime. I am sorry if I sound blunt but that’s the best way I can put it. You and your children deserve so much better. life’s too short to be unhappy. ☺
Good to hear from you needsmiracle,
Glad you are focusing on yourself and working your self esteem back up,thats what you need and great advice you gave to beabeau.You are right with everythin you said,i am sure you get your bad days but at least you know where you stand now and you dont have the constant worry that goes with coping with an addict everyday.
Delighted to hear you are doing well.
Hey sweetie... I have lived with a meth addict for 12 years... married to him for 28... divorced him 2 years ago and still love him... hurts me so much to see what he has done to himself... he smokes it... I caught him 12 years ago and he kept saying he was quitting... I threw him out and he got in trouble with the law and now has 2 felony's for shooting a gun at another drug addict... he is on probation... but i doubt he will make it 3 years without going back to jail... I got him into Church and he was saved and Baptized and he still does meth... it chips away at their self esteem as well as yours because you just want to know why am I not enough... we own a successful business together but if it wasn't for me we would have lost everything by now... I have covered for him and lied for him... with each passing year it gets worse and if you stay you will lose everything... mostly yourself... please do not bring children into this marriage...
leave now while you are young... don't wait till your 54 like me and have wasted the best years of your life with an addict... he will lie and sleep around on you and start staying out all night and lose his job... if he want get help... leave...
Hey duhbuglady
So sorry to hear your story but comment put very well across.
I admire your determination and truthfulness in your story,hopefully this woman will take the advice,it's so true what you said,easier said than done i know especially when you love someone but better off out of there then to get dragged down with him!!
Hope you are living a good life now,and making up for the years you have lost out on,you have put up with so much,i wish you the best,you must be a great person.
Hi duhbuglady22
Thanks so much for your answer. Its so true... my husband sounds alot like yours! I`m sorry for what you all went through, I am the type of person to have done the same -to stick by my husband and try to help, but my husband is in too deep. He has been injecting meth every other day for 2 years now. so he says. but he admits to injecting before i met him 6 years ago! so if he has been doing it that long, i dont think he can change. He is so selfish, always puts himself first... I have left him, it has been the hardest 2 weeks of my llife, but i know in my heart i made the right decision. He is not the person he was a few years ago, the drugs have changed him... I have to keep telling myself that everytime I get sad. I want to have children and be happy with another healthy fun person.. I am just glad i found out now and not later.. Thank you for your answer... I hope you are well and happy and that you find your soul mate soon ;)
run
Hey there,
I'm sorry to hear the situation you are in,it's a tough place for you but believe me when i say you are at nothing until your husband admits he has a problem and wants to get professional help-himself!! You my friend will have to look out for yourself at this time in your life,if he's going to choose drugs,get out of there because as you said already he's started throwing tantrums and i know you dont want to hear it but it will get worse,he'll start laying the blame on you and try to make you feel guilty for him wanting to use or that its your fault and everything that comes with that,believe me pet,the best thing you can do is leave him at it as someone else said,i know you love him but you'll end up the one been damaged in the long run,it's not taking the easy way out but you need to think of yourself and hopefully he will realise that losing you is'nt worth it and will agree to a program.
Wishing you all the best,my thoughts and prayers are with you.
i was married to an alcoholic, and darlin there is nothing you can do, i mean NOTHING. until they want help it's a no win situation, i know this is harsh but that is how it is, my now ex-husband because of his addiction comitted suicide because he couldn't handle it, but everybody in his life tried to help him but there is nothing you can do to help them, he even tried rehab 4 times, didn't work he couldn't accept not drinking anymore. Either hang in there or leave, but you NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND CHILDREN IF YOU HAVE ANY. really i'm sorry to be so harsh but that is a addict's life.
Thank you for your comment. I will give him one chance. If he relapses i will have to leave. I know this will not be easy. I am sorry to hear about your ex husband, that is so sad. hy husband admitted to using drugs for 10 months. I was looking through photos on my computer and i saw needle marks on his arms in every photo back 2 years ago. So sad... it has made me realise how serious this really is... thanks for your comment. its so good to feel I have support, even from a stranger.
Hey needsamiracle,
You need to take care of you and let your husband suffer the natural consequences of his behavior. I recommend Narcotics Anonymous or the sister program, Nar anon, for the loved ones of the addicted. You can google "Nar anon" and read about the program and locate meetings near you. They will help you learn how to deal with the addiction and sort out what you are to do now.
If your husband is ready, he can go to Narcotics Anonymous to get the help that he needs. Again google it to find locations near you. Denial is typical but not acceptable. You will have to set the criteria and be prepared to follow through. If you can't live with the addiction, tell him so. If he is unwilling to get help, then you will have to decide whether you can live with the addiction. His willingness to get help will show you what is intentions are.
Don't fall for the "I can do it myself." If that was the case, he never would have gotten into the addiction in the first place.
I recommend you read up on the topic of addiction. Try the following site:
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art26996.asp
And then google "loved ones of the addict" and try a few more articles. You will understand soon why I say take care of yourself and let him suffer the natural consequences of his behavior. It isn't easy but pretty simple.
We are here for you and I am willing to do anything I can to help.
Best wishes,
Laurie
Hello Needsamiracle,
I can't offer you any better advice than Laurie Shay did, she has laid it out open and honest I just want to let you know that you are in my prayers as well as your husband, I am a supportive friend but I will also tell you there are a lot of special people on this site,
Laurie is a very special person and will help (as she said) in any way possible!
Thank you for your answer Laurie, I did read the articles you mentioned and they were very helpful. My husband admitted to injecting Meth... so that's the first step. I found used needles and drug packaging which I confronted him about. He says what he did was bad but that he can switch it on and off like he pleases. He believes he is on control of the drug and not the other way around.He will not go to NA or one of those programs. He said he has kicked the habit on his own. I gave him a week whereby I stood by his side and sent him to the doctor- to get a referral to a psychiatrist. After the week had gone by and I saw that he was not making an effort on his part I left him. It has been 2 weeks since I have seen him. I told him I want a separation with the end result being a divorce. He is a mess, cries all the time, he is living with his mum. He wants to prove to me that he has stopped, but i guess only time will tell.
He has also been involved with another woman, not sure if he has slept with her but they have definitely been involved he calls her all the time, late at night. I think the drugs has made him do these things, he would never have possibly done this on his own. I think he is too far gone and I am so scared of drug induced schizophrenia.Because he is needling, i feel he is in too deep.
Dearest Needsamiracle,
I am so sorry that you have had to go through all this. I feel you have done the right things. Not enabling your husband is extremely important. Tough love is hard but critical. The important thing now is for you to take care of yourself and not let this drag you down. Stay strong in knowing that the decisions you have made are really what is best for the both of you.
I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to, keep in touch,
Laurie
My husband also has the same problem. I have found syringes and perscription pills. We have 3 kids together and I really don't know what to do anymore. I have no Idea how much he takes a day or for how long, he won't admit he's doing anything, but I have also found text messages in his phone where he is texting other people for meds. I am scared for him and me and my kids. He has also gained alot of weight, looks at porn, sleeps alot, and is very anti social. He just isn't the same anymore. Please tell me what I should do.
Dear Nicky
I am so sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you and your children. Can I ask how long have you known? What does your husband do for work- what industry is he in? This can say a lot and might determine what drug he is using.
My advice is to find out exactly what he is using and how much, how often and for how long he has been using. Find out as much as you can about this situation- read up articles on others’ stories- especially with children involved. This will really help you to decide what to do- as you will have a better understanding of what the drugs do to families and what the recovery rate is. Your husband will probably lie so you will have to find this all out on your own. They will lie straight to your face to protect the drugs. I really hope he is not injecting- but you say there are syringes…?
Yes you can try and get him help- send him to rehab, he HAS TO GET HELP. He will say he can get off it on his own-but that is not true. Believe me.
Your number ONE DUTY as a mother is to protect your children now. That comes first. You cannot live with 3 small children in a house with a man that’s using drugs. Their father is being so irresponsible – but you have to be strong now and protect your children and yourself. Read up the rest of the blogs on this site and also check out www.methproject.org
Watch “intervention” episodes- they are real life stories of people who take drugs daily. Usually on the BIO channel.
You are going to have to watch the money- he mustn’t get access to money, make sure you start preparing if you do have to leave- put some money aside for you and your kids if you have to end up leaving, do you have help from family members? See support groups in your area- Alanon, phone the drug information center and talk to them on the phone- they are very helpful and they are able to help you determine what drug it could be by the packaging you have found etc. you have to be clever now- take photos of the syringes and pills you have found. Get your information together- hide it. If things do turn ugly- this is evidence you will need in court to get custody of the children. Trust me- you are not dealing with your husband anymore- you are dealing with the DRUGS. The drugs come first over anything and anyone. You need to prepare yourself.. The fact that he is using and he has kids shows you that he has ALREADY put the drugs first. How old are your kids? I am so sorry you are going through this… I really am. You have to think with your head now- not your heart. You have be clever and look out for yourself and your kids. I am sure you love your husband very much and you can get him help… but you have to look out for you and your kids first. I really hope he will take help and give up the drugs, but the recovery rate is not very good- once they start injecting… that is the worst form.. My husband is still injecting after I left him. He moved on quite easily because he has his DRUGS and his porn…and its interesting how “they” change and the things they “do” to get the drugs. I am here for you- and I am praying for you all. Wishing you the best of luck- be strong and you will get through this. Xxx
Related topics
methamphetamine, pregnancy, addiction
Further information
- Methamphetamine uses and safety info
- Methamphetamine prescribing info & package insert (for Health Professionals)
- Side effects of Methamphetamine (detailed)
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