My boyfriend was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver a year and a half ago. Since then he has become more of an alcoholic than ever. He hasn't seen a doctor in over a year and doesn't want to see one. When he was first diagnosed his platelets in his blood were low and they wanted to do a transfusion so he could get his biopsy done. The doctor had him booked with a liver specialist never went to that appointment either. He is looking more sicker everyday has liver spots all over his face, lost weight, had swelling in the stomach and legs but that has stopped for now, sleeping pattern is all mixed up, his mental behavior has changed, loss of memory, spider veins everywhere and so on.This is so hard for me to deal with and I know he's being very selfish and not thinking of what he's putting his family and me through!When he first went to the doctor I'm sure he was in his last stage so I'm wondering how long does a person live for with that disease and especially with the excessive amount of drinking he's doing.I love him and have stood by him but now I'm starting to feel very angry with him knowing how selfish he's being and what he's putting me through.I feel like leaving him but the guilty side of me makes me stay because all I keep thinking is what if he goes and I'm not there for him.I'm in a rock and a hard place but I also feel I'm gonna be sick myself if I keep going through this with him.This is the most stressful thing a person has to go through and I don't wish it upon anyone.Can someone please give me an answer as to how much longer he has thank you.
Last Stage Liver Cirrhosis - How Long Till Someone Passes If They Still Continue To Drink?
Question posted by Anonymous on 6 Jan 2013
Last updated on 11 June 2022
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79 Answers Page 5
My husband passed away with the same thing. He also kept drinking i was so mad at him. If he stops drinking he will live longer. My husband was diagnosed in 2004 and because he continued to drink he became very ill in 2007 and was on the transplant list but he passed in 2008. I know excatly what you are going threw stay by him he needs you
I feel for you. I have found this answer to be the most difficult one to use in life. God is so important in getting through ordeals such as this. When having gone through this with a loved one, you have to put yourself first. Your health will go down if you continue to try to give him support in talking and just being there. Being there with him is good support but talking will sooner or later be nothing to him or her when selfishness is in their main being. They use selfishness a sign of feeling sorry for self and they really don't care for the others around because at this time, it is just them. They may feel, that they are going to die anyway. Also, God may not be a part of them. Of course, HE isn't a part of them or the sick one would be taking their illness a different route. It is hard to kick them out but it has to be that way at some point in time. It is either you or them. You have to keep your strength up for yourself and for others who depend on you.
I am going through this, myself. I have two sons sick in that sort of way. And, I am raising grandchildren that are seeing all this happen. I am at my last end of niceness. They are my kids and older grandkids, but if they don't want to listen and they think they know better and it's their life, well, then, it's time to start letting them go.
Hi, I just recently lost my fiance to cirrhosis of the liver last month (January 6th), I came home and found him dead. We been together 3 years, he started going to the hospital 2 1/2 years ago, that's since I've been with him. They told him then that he has cirrhosis of the liver but he didn't think he did.he told me the doctors don't know what they're talking about that he feels fine. he would go on a binge for about a month, and all of a sudden he would snap out of it.for the last year he's been staying drunk pretty much mist of the time, and I would do everything in my power to get him to stop drinking. He would stop for a while and then he would be on another binge, until last December, around the 20th, he went on a binge and he passed away January sixth. I tried leaving a couple of times and both times he was injured.
Once he fell down and the next time he had an accident on the way home from the store from getting alcohol, he got lost, went around a Sharp turn and hit the curb and broke the wheel of his truck. I miss him so much and I love him more than life itself and I have a hard time with the fact that he is never coming back, never to hug him, kiss him, laugh or cry with him because alcohol took him from me. He was 51 years old.
I'm so sorry hun, I read your story and felt like it was me in that same situation. I was in a relationship of 10 years with my boyfriend he passed away April 10, 2013 at age 44. I watched his progression of alchol use to be just straight jack daniels on the rocks then went to straight vodka with a splash of 7-up he would go through a fifth a day. Then he would stop eating. He was the most loving caring funny cooked awesome which we always did together always took care of me rubbed my feet every night etc. When the alcohol took over he was someone I didn't know and we fought a lot, We split up twice in the ten years. Then I came back for his last year of his life because he was getting so sick, we ended up in the hospital at least three times. He would throw up blood would have massive nose bleeds when he woke up in the morning it was horrible.
He would get out of bed and just clapse on the floor I would get angry because I felt like he wouldn't take my family or my help. He then went cold in the month of December 2012 of no alcohol then started back up again well we got evicted from our home exactly one year as of yesterday and he ended up in the hospital two weeks after our eviction. He was there for 5 weeks, he ended up getting fluid in his abdomen which they drained a couple times 2 liters of fluid, then he finally went home with his sister and within a week went back to the doctors and the doctors gave him a prognosis of 2 weeks -3 months to live he had a hard time beleiving it. He was so skinny except his abdomen and his ankles and legs with swollen so bad from the fluid and his liver failing. He only made it 1-1/2 weeks from the prognosis and passed away. He would be 45 February 15th I don't stop thinking about him everyday he crosses my mind. Now I'm back at home have two boys to raise one is 18 and other 12. I will pray for you hun that you will heal from this its a long road but my heart so goes out to you and your family...
Wow, my husband died July 2,2016. Sound do familiar. He wasn't diagnosed with it but the doctor said he had had cirrhosis of liver for a while but it was sepsis that took him out. My husband had to know he had changes going on within his body. I just thought he was drunk when he'd fall or something. I'm so hurt. He was 53yrs old.
My father is an alcoholic and was just diagnosed with liver disease and congestive heart failure. We provided him with the facts about continuing drinking and provided him ways to get help and that we supported and loved him. He has chosen to continue with alcohol and has drunk 2 x 1.75 liters of whiskey in three days. We don't know how long he has left but wish there was an answer.
My wife was an alcoholic who had end-stage liver disease. She was first diagnosed with it over nine years ago at age 46. She suffered greatly, exhibiting most of the symptoms. At age 51 she took her last drink because she had a massive stroke. At age 55 she died; the liver disease had continued to progress. I just pray your boyfriend stops drinking now. I experienced so much from being her care-giver, and I wish this on no one else, it was so difficult.
I have liver cirrhosis and varices it is hard for me i am all ways in pain and my wife is all ways with me
I am so sorry that you are having these problems. Veracies (sp.?) was a bad problem for her... several times we had to go to emergency room for the gastro doctor to close up the bleeding and it was always a "life or death" problem. Kathy, my wife, continued to drink until her stroke even despite the bleeding, the nosebleeds, the continued scaring of liver. However, although we spent much of the last years of her life trying to deal with the disease, I was glad, but often frustrated, t be the one taking care of her. I hope your wife continues to lovingly be with you through it all, and I hope that despite the pain and disease that you never give up.
I have ESLD from cirrhosis, I was diagnosed 17 months ago. They gave me 0 - 6 months to live with no transplant options. I was on Prednisone (awfulllllll) could not walk, loss of muscle, ascites, edema. I was admitted to the hospital via ambulance a year ago due to a bleeding peptic ulcer. A dr later informed me that was an easily treatable condition. This hospital almost killed me, in fact I was on life support due to morphine and they wanted to disconnect it even though I was not brain dead. I was there about a month. I had a maggot infestation n my trach, a huge bedsore, pneumonia, just a few tpmore things like that. My 20 yr old daughter tirelessly worked to get me out of there. I was admitted to an LTAC and released about 10 days later. Anyway, I did not think I could be a tx candidate and now I am. I became a diabetic due to the Prednisone, I am not now. I've been through hell, and really my liver does not hurt. Nthe side effects are awful. I am currently meld 27.
I drive myself across town for my appts and blood work. I am tired and have water issues again, but they say I'm the best looking liver patient they ever saw. I should be in a wheelchair. My hope is to help others that are going thru this. Not drinking is the only thing that can save your life. It was not hard for me I felt like garbage without it, I could not even imagine what it feels like to drink on top of it. Even though I don't feel good, I get out and do things. Staying active and not eating a lot of junk food is also a good thing to do. I had a death sentence and I believed it, but, after having nurses bath me, wipe me, try to clean my bed sore, I decided I never want that again. So I fought to walk, to do what they asked then I just wanted to die at home. Knowing what I put my kids through, I decided that even if I feel like crap, I'm going yo act as normal as possible for them. It has worked. I am on the ts list at a great hospital. I am looking forward to a new non-stagnant life. Please tell your loved ones this. Just try, try, try. Don't give up. Actually, being independent and sick is doable and better for you. I drank so much because of a multitude of family illness, death, foreclosure, being sued, loss of job & I am married to an alcoholic that has been in the hospital and rehab several times. Even since I got sick, it's still Marti-gras for him. That's another story. I wanted to die before I almost did. Also, no aspirin, NO TYLENOL, no ibuprofen. I take Tramadol which is a Rx but, does not damage the liver. I have Arthritis and leg pain. That's why I need that. They have anti-nausea meds too. Please write me if you have any questions or need encouragement. It is up to the patient though. For me a beverage of alcohol almost killed me, nothing in this world is worth that if it can be helped. Prayers to you all.
Hi Ladies, I am a 39 year old 20 year alcoholic and these these are the best comments I have found yet. I am going through EXTREME withdrawals that are hell. Why do we continue to do it? Do your men talk about hearing voices at anytime ( I poured a glass of wine for it to stop after 2 days and 3 days of staying up all night and sleeping during the day? I struggle with the ensomnia only when I try and quit which is now. I need help and want help. With all the comments I am stage 4 without the body veins or discoloration. I was reading because I am going to a hospital tomorrow and scared to death hearing the comments you'all posted. When I want to change looks like I am too late. I know I have been selfish and ashamed heck maybe they are to. I saw a DR a few years back and he gave my borderline numbers and I chose to just "ok looks bad but a... ". Now I sit here with all the symptoms of liver failure, and I let my family down.
It is a VICIOUS cycle and congrats you all for sticking with us. Heck I have abused it selfishly for 20 years to a wife I have known for 21. Thanks, I printed out your comments.
Joe Shipp
I am diagnosed with Hep C and Cirrhosis. It was 2 years ago. I have not stopped drinking. I am legally blind. Can't get back to doctor since 18 months ago. Mom and Dad passed away last July 11 days apart. I am alone. Sometimes I feel like I am trying to slowly kill myself. Other times I am terrified. I do have depession and anxiety disorded. Also ptsd. This has been going on since the 70's/. I actually talk myself into drinking even when I don't want to. I hate feeling he pain of my life. Can you help me?
ready for workOne morning 3 yrs ago while getting I sI went to hospitaltarted vomiting blood had no clue I had cirossis was in hospital for 16 days mostly in ccu have had two slips since then and found myself back in hospital.My advice is to get your boyfriend to hospital asap they can put on list..but you have to sober for 6 mont to behelp him detox.God willing he will be put on transplant list. He really has to ask for help i know it is tough but it is up to him.my thoughts are with you sincerely a friend
Thank you for your prayers and words of wisdom!
My Dad had been diagnosed with Liver Cirrhosis too. He exhibits all the symptoms- depression, yellowing of the eyes, loss of appetite and mobility etc.- and he's increasingly getting much sicker. I know there's not much more that I can do for he insists that he'd rather live a short life with alcohol than a long life without it. Any advice would be more than welcome.
My husband was diagnosed years ago with scarring of the liver or beginning stages of cirrhosis. He was clean & sober for a while then back and forth. But this year he has been pretty constant about drinking and sometimes drugs. He has been experiencing memory lapse when we are talking. I do need to research more signs of cirrhosis for myself. These days it seems that he doesn't care his self much. Which means he definitely doesn't care for me. Also he has been in remission from Hep C for about 7 years.
Here's the grim reality: he won't stop. Ever. He's in full-blown denial. I know, because I'm going through the same thing with my wife. She thinks she's going to live forever, too.
I love my wife, but she has put me in a financial situation with the her hospital stays that I may never be able to pay back. I've had people tell me to leave. I've had rehab, interventions, and everything else suggested. She wouldn't respond well to any of those. And leaving isn't an option. She would be homeless in a matter of days and that's not acceptable to me. I get it. You feel like you can't leave him. Here's the thing: he's not your husband. If this were my girlfriend and not my wife, I'd have left years ago.
Your other option is to accept him for who he is: a chronic alcoholic. You are never going to change that. He's made up his mind. If you can live with it, and he treats you well enough, then stay and help him cope as best as you can.
You're in a tough spot. I wish I had better advice for you, but in this situation, there is no easy fix. In fact, there is no fix at all. None of the options are very good. Just don't lose yourself or who you are in all of this.
I'm in a very similar boat as you and I just can't take it anymore, but at the same time I can't do anything about it either. The doctor told my father that he has cirrhosis a little more than a year back and told him that even smelling alcohol is a sin for him, so drinking it is completely out of the question. Obviously, he's been drinking like a mad man ever since, not caring about me or my mother and what we are going through. He drinks in the morning, sleeps, then drinks again in the evening and sleeps. Repeat the next day.
I've tried talking to him, but we just end up fighting.. a lot, so I realised theres no point. You can't help someone if they don't want to help themselves. Its become very, very hard living in the same house as him and seeing my mom the way she is, so honestly as much as I hate to say it, even I'm just waiting for the day his body finally collapses. Its amazing that he's come as far as he has, seeing his condition. He obviously isn't enjoying the life he is living right now, he's just going through the motions and literally suffocating his family with each passing minute, without a care in the world. Dear God please either make him stop having alcohol (not that it will save him now, but at least we'll be able to have some family time), or just take him away peacefully. Please.
Hi there I was diagnosed with cirrhosis a few days ago after three years of pain in my right side but mine was due to fatty liver the consultant said he had no time scale I drink alcohol but low vol lager now I'm going to stop I'm sorry for all your pain and loses but from my point of view once you have heard the words "it's irreversible". You lose all hope thoughts go towards the sooner the better then there is no fuss or agony for wives and partners I don't want to die but being told I don't know how long you've got is like a prison sentence with no remission
hello Anonymous
My mom passed of cirrohosis in 88... she never even told anyone she had it, I am not even sure if she new... she only drank beer but a huge about daily..she use to run away from home and leave me with my dad who abused me etc... and then would call and beg to come home only to repeat the process of coming and going again..my sis raised me... and I lost her in 2010 in my apt of heart issues... I am so sorry but he is being very selfish..he has family etc... my mom passed on xmas day 88... I just remember her always holding her side constant... her stomach was huge..but I was little at the x and when she passed, I was in my 20's so it's kinda hard to predict how long..but him drinking is just adding fuel to the fire... did u ever consider asking him to go to counseling with u to talk about this... I truly believe some people turn into alcoholic's do to ptsd me included... I don't drink anymore though...
but drank excessively for almost 2 yrs do to father's abuse and other tramatic issues..I think maybe if he doesn't want to go to counseling maybe u should and get some support and be able to vent to help yourself stay strong... in the mean time I sure would try and reason with him and ask him to get help even give him an altamatime that if he doesn't your leaving... if he get's so type of help who no's they could possibly make him live a bit longer... but he really has to stop drinking NOW... I would talk to his doc's an ask them every and all ?'s that r on your mind..so so sorry u r going through this... SENDING PRAYERS YOUR WAY...
I am sorry to hear what everyone is going through. I am experiencing this right now with my son's father. We are not married or nor do we live together. He has been a drinker ever since I met him. I have tried to tell him to stop. 1 week ago, he was given a second chance. He fell and his buddy called he ambulance. Everything is messed up. He was in ICU for 3 1/2 days. His spleen and liver are swollen. He has bruises, his veins nearly collapsed, he has cirrhosis, anemia, a polyp on his gallbladder, his hemoglobin was 4.2 when admitted, now as of yesterday it was 8.5. His blood is thin, everything is just screwed up. Thankfully after several prayers a day, he is improving. Still a long way to go and recovery will be hard. He cannot go living in the environment he was in. He told me he was scared. He looked death straight in the face and was very fortunate. Doctors say he is so lucky to be alive. We think it sunk it now.
He will be going to rehab for physical therapy too when he gets out..not back to that house. We are hoping we can get him more therapy so however much time he has left with us will be happy. Our son and myself cannot lose him! We lost my mom last year to kidney cancer, so I am not ready to lose someone else to something that he was so stubborn not to listen to anyone. If looking death in the face is what I took to help him, then I am glad the good Lord did not take him from last week. His jaundice is starting to get better. My heart goes out to all families and friends you are experiencing all this as well. Be supportive and and lots of prayers. Prayers work in the most unusual ways that I have experienced with other family members. God Bless !
It sunk in with my boyfriend... for a month or so.And then he began drinking with a vengence!He goes back and forth between he's dying anyway,so why not live,and feeling empowered that he cheated death,and can do it again.If that's not frustrating enough,he will make me rearrange my work days to take him to doctors... even tho he lies to them and doesn't take meds and drinks...
I hope it sunk in.My boyfriend had 2 close calls with death... stopped drinking for a bit,but then returned.We broke up,and he begged to come back.I told him only if he stopped drinking... he cut back a bit but then turned it up several notches.We are currently broken up again.He stopped drinking a few weeks ago,and wants to come home.I''m not sure if i should give it another try... and I don't know if I trust that he won't drink again... It's so hard to watch and as the disease progresses his mental state and moods get worse... I wish you the best and I feel your pain!!!
You are living my life. My best answer to you is take care of you. Find a small pleasure or time just for you everyday even if it is a 15 minute walk. I know how you feel i want to run the other way. This disease is so awful to watch, i have done everything in my power to get him good medical care. But if the patient doesn't do everything in their power to try and get better, it's not your problem. I don't know how much longer he will live i ask myself that question everyday. We only have to day. If you can run, i have children or i would have left a long time ago, still i am always trying to figure it out. You are not alone or selfish
Lost my love of 20 years to this horrible disease 4years ago.And I still have yet to learn how to move on with the rest if my life.I still have thoughts of guilt,anger and sadness that I couldn't prevent this from happening.This is my first time since he died,that I've been able to write about this.Wondering if I should join some type of grief counseling.
RMARIE69. I'm very sorry to hear of all the stories that I am reading about on this site. I'm looking for help with my brother who's 43. He's an alcoholic with cirrhosis of the liver and refuses to go to Dr appointments, take medication and quit drinking. He calls me constantly while he's drunk and tells me about how much pain he's in or how much blood he's lost. It's very stressful and I don't know what to do or say. However, to add advice to your question from last year of whether you should seek counseling. I hope that you have already done so and if not you make an appointment very soon. You should look into grief and cognitive behavioral therapy to help you change any feelings that you may be having. Good luck
Thank you for advice and such kind words!I'm glad I'm not alone!I do walk everyday and that helps.I have kids that arent his,but they have grown close to him... kids definitely complicate things.
I am overwhelmed in a good way ,of all the outpouring of advice and emotion.Particularly by the person that said that this is the first time they spoke of their pain and experience.It's awesome that we can all support eachother!!!
Anonymous,
I am deeply sorry for all you are dealing with.
I lost my one true friend to this disease on the 31st of July, so this is very fresh to me.
She was diagnosed 2 1/2 years ago and from everything I can gather during talks with family and friends, I was the only person in her world that knew. She sobered up for 4+ months and began drinking again after she realized there was no hope that she could receive Medicaid. I tried to encourage her otherwise, but being a recovering Alcoholic myself, I knew it was pointless. She kept it a secret from everyone else in her world, including her live in boyfriend. (I had NO idea that no one else knew) She slowly started showing all of the classic signs of end stages 4 months ago, itching, trouble breathing, darkening of urine, protruding abdomen (not obvious due to her previous weight), blacking out and confusion.
Sadly, one of her blackouts led to a broken arm and she finally agreed to go to the ER and have it checked out. She was told she had top be admitted and went into a panic. this led to respiratory failure. They revived her, sedated her and placed her on a ventilator. Long story short, that's when the discovered how far gone she was. Several weeks later it was determined she had no electrical activity in her brain and the plug was pulled. It has been a horrible experience. I rest in the fact that she is no longer suffering.
At 5 years sober, I would like to offer you some insight into the Alcoholic brain to ease your mind and set you free. There is nothing you or anyone else can do to get him to stop drinking. At this point, his addiction is so progressed, there is nothing HE can do to quit drinking. Alcoholism is a disease. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't quit alone. Being an Alcoholic was as painful to me as it was to those around me and maybe even more so. The shame, despair and anguish is sheer torture. I had to make the decision to quit drinking based on what little self love I had left. I had to have massive support to quit and dealing with every day life was a major struggle. It is still pretty tough even after that long. I am now and will always be one drink away from losing everything I have worked so hard to rebuild. It's lifelong.
You have no fault in this whatsoever. I agree with all of the posts that say to care for yourself now and do what you have to do in order to have peace in your world.
Knowing this, I never preached to my friend. I was always there to listen to her feelings and what she was going through and to offer my love. I would have gladly helped her clean, shop (for anything BUT alcohol), or anything else that needed to be done, if she would have let me. She wouldn't because of her shame.
I hope this helps you have some insight on this.
Say the Serenity Prayer as many times as you need to daily. It truly helps.
Sending you love
Hi, i've just read your post, i want to tell you how sorry i am for the loss of your friend. It must have been so, so hard. It is really kind of you to share your experience so soon after having lost her. I'm sure your insight will give people in similar situations some peace & support.
I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I lost my brother just 9 months ago to cirrhosis of the liver and he was only 29 years old. He was never formally diagnosed with the disease. We didn't find out about it until an autopsy was performed and it was concluded that was the cause of death. About a year before he died he started losing weight and muscle mass drastically. Looking back on it now that was the first sign that he was getting sick but at the time we didn't know. We just thought he was trying to lose weight on his own. The weight loss was the only symptom he had up until 1 month of his death. About 4 weeks before he died he started feeling sick but nothing more than flu like symptoms: weakness, ear ache, cough, etc. He wouldn't go to the ER and we didn't force him because everyone (including himself) thought it was just a cold and to use over the counter meds.
A day or two before he passed he started getting jaundice in his face/eyes, coughing up blood, loss of balance, always tired and slept a lot, swollen stomach, and unable to control his bowels. My parents were finally going to force him to go to the ER but when they went to wake him out of his sleep he was already gone. He had died in his sleep at 29 on 10/11/12. He was a drinker and had been for sometime but no one knew because he was so good at hiding it. I don't think there's a "time limit" on how long a person lives in the final stage. It all depends on the persons overall health, family history, if there's any other issues aside from the liver damage, etc. once my brother's autopsy came back it was learned he was in the beginning stages of congestive heart failure. This was probably contributed to his drinking but point is his drinking contributed to other areas of his body not working right aside from the liver damage and could have sped up his death. Because my brother was never formally diagnosed with this and death was so unexpected, my family and I never got the chance to say our good-byes and thats something that is hard living with. He was here one afternoon and gone the next morning. I pray that whatever time you have left with your loved one, especially knowing they don't have much time, that you will grasp every second and use it wisely. Tell them anything and everything you'd like. After the person is gone you will never get that chance, and for situations like mine, I never got the opportunity at all. May God and peace be with you
Hi Jackie, thank you for sharing your story. I am feeling really emotional after reading it. I am so, so sorry for you and your family for losing your brother unexpectedly. I can't imagine how hard that must have been. I expect that those 9 months seem like yesterday, and i'm sure he is in your thoughts everyday. How are the rest of your family coping? Have you tried writing a letter to him, saying everything you would have if you would have had the chance. I lost someone in the past and this was suggested to me, and although it was really hard to start with, it really did help.
The family is taking it one day at a time. I don't want to say anyone of us is having it harder than the other. I think each of us is dealing with it in our own way. Mom is still upset about it. She breaks down at least once a week crying out why. Dad doesn't talk about it. I can't even begin to imagine what he's feeling as he was the one who found my brother and called an ambulance. I have my days/moments. He was my only brother and sibling and right after he died I sought grief counseling because it was difficult for me to handle the reality of his passing. I think that's what helped me. Been trying to get my parents to go but so far no luck. I have started a letter of the things I'd like to say to my brother had I been given the chance but haven't finished it.
How is your boyfriend? Is he still battling the disease?
Hi, it is 'good' that your mum is able to express her emotions, although it must be hard to see. I really feel for your dad, keep gently persuading him to see a counsellor & convey how much it has helped you. My dad is the same, buries his head in the sand. We just keep talking to him about things we believe he needs to face up to, but know he has to want to do it in his own time. You all need to stick together, know you are there for each other no matter what. That is the most important thing that you all need. Of course you will never forget the loss of your brother, but give it time to make peace with his passing if at all possible??? It is easy to wish you could turn back time but try to remember all the good times you shared & look back on photos with a smile on your face. Appreciate the time you shared together
My daughters just lost their Dad (my ex) to cirrhosis 2 weeks ago. I had been looking at this site to prepare helping them get through what we expected to be a lengthy process. They found out the day before he died that he had been diagnosed over 6 months ago, but never shared the information with them. He had not only decided not to attempt to quit drinking, but apparently escalated his drinking. He had cut off almost all contact with them the last couple of years, seeing them at a restaurant a couple of times a year and rushing through the meal, always keeping them from seeing him at his home. His home was littered with bottles, but nothing personal connected to them or anyone else in his life. He never expressed any affection, pride or love for them, even at the end. His home looked like a hoarder. They were horrified to learn how he was living. Bank statements reflected an obscene amount of money spent at a local liquor store and almost no money spent on food or anything else.
You would have thought by the way he lived he was homeless, yet his bank account showed he had plenty of money to improve his living conditions and life. After his death, they heard from co-workers that he regularly talked about my daughters and how proud he was of them, but never thought to tell them. They said they felt they were hearing stories about a total stranger. After speaking with the various doctors and professionals assigned to him, reading everything possible to understand why their father never let them into his life, they were more confused than ever. It's left them with so many unanswered questions. After all the medical articles and conversations with the doctors, they have tried to reconcile themselves with the fact that the alcohol may have led to some brain toxicity and that he may also have had mental disorders that were undiagnosed because of his reluctance to seek any help. I think that the alcoholism has left a dark cloud around them as much as it did him. It took their father away from them long before he died. For years, they had tried to be the parent in the relationship, lecturing and talking to him about stopping the drinking. Instead of stopping the drinking, he chose to stop having a relationship with anyone that tried to get him help. It has left them with so much guilt that they couldn't find the right words to say to him or that they failed him by not being able to get him to see that he was self-destructive. Please don't allow yourself to feel responsible for the actions of someone who you cannot control. In spite of the love you feel, you cannot feel that you are the reason they quit or the reason they continue to destroy their life. It's not your fault. You can't fix it. You can't control it. It has to come from the one drinking. I hope you will find some peace, just as I'm hoping that my daughters will find peace in knowing that it was beyond his control and their control.
hi, I just lost my girlfriend. she had cirrohosis for 5 years, which I didn't know. she hid her drinking from me. she also was anorexic. her body just started to fail. I am at the point where I do nothing but blame myself for not trying harder to get her help. her death was horrible. her ammonia level was 80. her liver enzymes were 8. I watch her body just fail. her kidneys, everything. she had a blood infection, sepsis. I found her unresponsive. she was throwing up blood, and swallowing it back down. she was out of it. I knew she drank, but never knew it was that bad. I would beg her to get help, if she did, she'd be alive today. I don't know what exactly killed her, but it was a horrible death. she was in some much pain. she died 2 days after I found her.
Hi yeagerkingy, i'm so sorry to hear your sad news. It is all too often an impossible situation to solve, especially on your own. Only the person in the middle of it, addiction, can decide to quit and change their life. However much you want it for them and try to get them help, make appointments, take them to their doctor, attempt interventions... if the person doesn't really, genuinely, want to stop, there is nothing you can do. I do believe that, especially with a dual diagnosis, a psychologist/psychiatrist, is a very important tool in starting to 'fix' the problem/s. It is far more difficult than a lot of people know, to 'cure' an alcoholic. And you can give them as much care, love and support that you have, and this is important, that someone in the middle of addiction know they are cared for(!), but ultimately, sobriety needs to 'wanted'.
Alcoholics and addicts are established liars, which sounds harsh, but they hide things from family & friends to protect them and so that they can continue taking their drug of choice. Drinking is a way of escapism, and some people use this to mask things they aren't happy about in life, for example body image. It is one of the saddest and loneliest 'diseases', and one of the most difficult to recover from. Sorry i didn't intend to write so much! I wish you well and send you my warmest thoughts and sympathy. Again, i'm so sorry to hear of your loss, Delila
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I found my brother murdered in 2001. I've experienced unimaginable heartache but I have also grown as s person and feel my spirit has been awakened and enlightened. Your brother is still around at times & see's what is going on in the family. It has now been 3 years and I know it may seem like a long time to some, my grief was still raw. I hope you have had some signs from your brother. If not, ask him to send you some.
I hope you and your family will get some grief therapy. Look on FB for groups to help you too. God bless you and your parents. I hate alcohol and I'm just so sorry! <3
I've often wanted to ask, but never have. How much does someone have to drink to get cirrhosis. ? Did you brother drink excessively ?
My 36 year old son just was diagnoised with cirrhosis 2 weeks ago and also has congestive heart failure. He has a hernia that needs surgery. They want do it because of his health problems. He has seen a Dr 2 months ago and they said his stomach was huge because of the fluid from the heart. That was all wrong it was from the cirrohssis. They just found that out 2 weeks ago because he was seen for the hernia. It is so tragic. All you can do is take care of our self. My son drank for many years and I've talked to him many times about it. If they don't want help there is nothing you can do but to help or self. That's the reality or you will get sicker. I go to ala non that is what saves me. God bless take care of you..
Hi, i've just read your response, and i wanted to send my love to both of you & just say how sorry i am that your son has received this diagnosis. I'm so glad that you are taking care of yourself by going to groups. I admire your strength. Is there any chance of your son getting better do you know?
I'm sorry to hear about your son especially at such a young age and killing himself.Your right there is nothing you can do and you just have to sit back and accept it if they don't want to help them self!I have learned through this it's not my fault and he's a big boy and knows what he's doing so obliviously he don't care about his life so I just have to learn to accept it.I look at it this way at least he'll go happy even though that's a hard way to look at it and accept.I hope you take care and I'm hoping maybe your son will wake up and get help before it's too late.I know my boyfriend is too far gone for that to happen.
Hello everyone,
Sorry to hear about everything you all are going through. I went through this once with my brother 42 years o,d and now with my father 62 years old. In April 2010 I was told my brother had exactly three weeks left and doctors were exact to the date. They to,d me on a Monday that he will be passing away and sure enough. It was sad to see him that way because we knew his face was swollen a little, his tummy and his face was yellowish but no one ever did anything because we would tell him to stop drinking and he couldn't until one day we got the call he was in the hospital and the doctors told us to start preparing. I remember like it was yesterday when they brought him home to be on hospice because they told us he will be loosing conscious in two hours and he sure did. He felt into a comma at 6:00pm on a Friday and he passed away Monday evening. so from the time he was told he was dying he was in the hospital two weeks and home three days.
Those three days were the hardest because I didn't know how he felt if he was in pain or not and he couldn't speak. I miss him dearly... now is round two with my dad. He's at end stage on liver, kidney failure (getting dialysis) lung and heart failure. They can't tell exactly how long he has but he's health is getting worse. I'm afraid because I don't know what he will die of " kidney, heart, lungs or liver" ??? He's in denial just like my brother was so I don't remind him that he will die soon because he says he stopped drinking and he will get better but the damage is already done and is too late. I'm afraid very afraid but I just pray God will give me the strength and prepare me for the storm that is approaching. Good luck to everyone and yes, I don't wish this on any one and God bless...
Hello Alvarenn, thank you for sharing your story! I'm so sorry to hear all that you have been through, and are still going through. I can't imagine how terrible it must be seeing your loved ones suffer like this. You sound like a strong woman, and no doubt you have been a mountain of support to your family. I hope your dad is as comfortable as possible. I'm here if you want to talk at any time
Oh hun I"m so sorry and I do know what you are going through I went through ten years of it with my boyfriend. His drinking become excessively heaver over the years the more stress the more he drank. Until last year when his eyes got jaundice and stopped eating, throwing up blood, and coughing up blood and pillow case in the morning would be full of blood. He would sleep a lot during the day because he didn't sleep much at night his sleep pattern was off and he stopped working. So finally after going to the hospital twice the last time they took him in and did an endoscopy and he ended up staying for 4 weeks. His toxin levels were very high and they gave him lactolose to bring them down meanwhile he had a hard time in the hospital so they gave him narcotics that pretty much knocked him out.
Well finally got him out of the hospital and he went home with his sister and he needed 24 hr care which well he had a hard time after a couple days home he couldn't have a bowel movement so he went back to doctors and the doctor gave him 2 weeks to 2 months to live and one week later his lungs filled up with fluid and the hospice came and gave him morphine and within 24 hrs he passed away this was just a month ago, its been the hardest thing for me to deal with...
Hi Carsonn, i hope you don't mind me replying under your comment(the question is posted as asking for a 'direct answer' so i can only reply once). I just want to send my love to all of you, going through this & having been through this, losing your loved ones. Greeneyes, Denise, Molly, Endless pred, Monkey, Bella, Carsonn... i am reading this with a big lump in my throat & tears rolling down my cheeks. I answered this question some time ago, i don't know why i have missed the updates. Alcoholism is something that is very close to my heart, and i can only try to imagine everything you have all been through. My heart goes out to you all. I know that some of your losses are very recent, i hope you can find peace in knowing that your loved one's are no longer in pain, and try to remember the happy times you shared together. Think about that Christmas or birthday that you all enjoyed together, and laughing at silly things.
And don't be ashamed to grieve. You need to go through this process, everyone does. I'm so sorry i am late continuing this feed & just wish you ALL well. D x
Hi I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend it's a very tough situation to sit back and feel helpless while their killing them self.You have to realize your not to blame and that you did everything in your power and stood by him.I've realized now there is nothing I can do to stop or change my boyfriend's ways and just try to be there for him as much as I can even though it's hard to sit by and watch him take his own life!I also know I'm not to blame for his alcoholism and if he wants to go this way then I guess he's going out happy.I've done everything in my power to make him try to quit but he'a a big boy and knows what he's up against.He's near his last stages of his life and I have to accept that even though it's hard.I know and understand what I'm up against and just waiting for that day when I have to say goodbye which will be the saddest day of my life.Please realize it wasn't you who put your boyfriend ...
through this it was his addiction and only he could have controlled it if he really wanted to.I hope you have lots of support and I know in time you'll sit back and know how selfish he was just like I'm seeing how selfish my boyfriend is.You take care and thank you for answering back to me on my question.
I'm so sorry for your loss and it would be so hard to deal with.I know what i'm up against now and am ready for this to all happen anytime now.My boyfriend has had his sleeping pattern mixed up for sometime now.His eyes are getting yellowish he's lost quite a bit of weight but retains a lot of fluid in his stomach.His eating habits is still good but anything he eats comes out right away with diarrhea and that has been happening for quite some time now.He drinks more now than ever and has been since he first was diagnosed with cirrhosis.He's being selfish and there is nothing more I can do to try and help him he's made up his mind as to what he wants in life and I guess I just have to look at it like this way that I know he's going to go happy because that's how drinking makes him feel.I hope you realize your not at fault and just keep his good memories.
Thank you for the wise words - I too am currently watching my husband kill himself with alcohol and it is one of the hardest things to do. He has half a liver and is a diabetic and yet he still chooses to drink. I pray daily for guidance and am at a crossroads - do I stay or do I leave?
This is Luna Bella, update; my fiancé is now having parasynthesis every 2 weeks, last time they removed 7 3/4 liters of fluid from his abdomen, tomorrow he is to return to the hospital where he will meet with a panel of Drs to see where he is medically, Im so scared for him, why Im awake at 12:03 a.m., All I know to do is pray, and keep reminding him how much I love him
This is Luna Bella, update; my fiancé is now having parasynthesis every 2 weeks, last time they removed 7 3/4 liters of fluid from his abdomen, tomorrow he is to return to the hospital where he will meet with a panel of Drs to see where he is medically, Im so scared for him, why Im awake at 12:03 a.m., All I know to do is pray, and keep reminding him how much I love him
Hi Luna Bella, thanks for the update, sorry that you are going through this. I'm sorry it is causing you so much worry. Will you let us know how he gets on at this appointment? I know it is very easy for me to say, but try to be kind to yourself, take some long deep breaths, and a bit of time out when you need it. You deserve it. I hope you manage to get some sleep...
My boyfriend of 12 years passed over this pasr Oct. 2014. He never went to the doctor nor was he ever in the hospital. We knew he was sick but you could not tell him anything. He was only 42. He was a very loving man but stubborn.for the last month and a half he had stopped drinking. He knew it was to late. He would drink every day all day. It was hard for him to keep a job. So the night he passed he went to his house locked the door. When his mom and sister found him he had passed away. He has thrown up blood. He hadnever lost his apetite he ate the day he passed. His death has left me devasted. So I know had hard this is for you.
Im sorry to hear that about your boyfriend. I know how u feel. My dad just passed away a month ago. He would drink every day and also had liver cirrhosis. when he passed away , we found out he had hepatitis A. I wish I can tell you how much time he has, but I don't really know. All I know is when u start coughing blood that looks brown, its pieces of ur liver. My dad went to the hospital all the time because he threw up blood. but this time he wasent so lucky. I pray to God that u do everything and anything to help him. please don't give up. my dad was just 52yrs old. I miss him dearly.
Thank you for responding and my deepest condolences for your loss of your dad.I am standing by my boyfriend even though it's hard and knowing how selfish he's being knowing he's going to die from his drinking and not doing anything to try to help himself.It will be very hard for me when he does go and I'll never forget him but I also know what I'm up against and what I'll be facing.You take care and I hope in time you'll realize it wasn't your fault and you had no control of your dad's disease.
My fiancé has been diagnosed with cirrohsis about 4 weeks ago, the Dr told him at that time he has 4-6 weeks to live, last week his ammonia level was at 60, the lever I understand when liver failure starts, he is skin is very yellow, the past couple of days his behavior has been bizarre, accusing me of things, pushing me away emotionally, being easily agitated, my question is this normal?, or is he just being a jerk?, and when he makes accusations, how do I react?, this situation is made worse because we live on opposite sides of the country, I only have his sisters reports to know what's happening with him, the stress of all this is getting to me, Ive developed vertigo from the stress
I have cirrhosis 4 stage with hep c. I get my heath care at the VA. I have been clean now for 3 years. I know vets who continued using up to the very end. It is very sad. Don't give up, because he could stop anytime. I will pray for you and him.
My mother was diagnosed 3 years ago with cirrhosis , we have had a few ups and downs she for the most part has done well . She fell and broke her hip 6 months ago having to have hip replacement , durning this time it took us 5 days to wake her from the surgery , her Amonnia levels were off the chart , she is treated by a world renoun liver specialist and we were told that all livers are so different they really don't look at the Amonnia levels , anyway we fought with extreme bouts if enceptalopathy which for me is the truely hard part , she gets so mean and so hateful and hard to handle and me being her only daughter I have the responsible of dealing with this alone . At our last doctors appointment we were ask about having hospice come in and it was like the first time my mother was aware she was really sick , she was mad scared and confused and directed it toward me. I'm not sure why I'm wasting my time writing this I do apologize . I'm not complaining . God bless you all
I got a question my ex husband has been sick for some time got everything wrong with him that u can think of. Anyway the Dr. Diagnosed him today with the liver disease his liver is failing . Is this something I should be worried about
Hi, my name is Denise.
It hurts me to tell you this but my brother-in-law was going through the same thing. He was a heavy drinker ( years of brinking beer and liqour). Last year Noember or December he was hospitalized because he got a very bad seizure, That was when they diagnosed him with cirrhosis. He kept drinking and he looked fine, the doctor's gave him 3 years to live if he kept drinking. Well, he kept drinking and started using speed. He went to the hospital 1 more time and came back to doing the same thing. He was sleeping in the street and everything. Paramedics picked him up at a liqour store because he started throwing up blood, we thought he would get better, he was at the hospital for about a month getting blood everyday, the blood would come out through cuts, when he would use the restroom, throwing up and even coughing.
Well, after that month he came home, the doctor's said all we could do for him was just to keep him comfortable (these were his last days). I rememner he came home on a Sunday, was looking okay, had his kids with him playing with him. But as the days went by he started looking pale, yellow, sometimes swollen,and itchy he would sleep for hours fromt he medicine he was receiving, when he would wake up he seemed confused, kinda lost like if he couldn't see a thing and just mumble. As the days went on he started looking weaker and weaker. On the 17th of April 2013 he passed away. He woke up all of a sudden and again had that confused look, looked desperate like he couldn't breathe. I left the house I had some errands to do. A few hours later his dad called and said that he passed away. His mom explained to me that after that heavy breathing i got to see he got worse. She tried to calm him down call his name so he could come to his senses. He had a 24 hr nurse with him, the nurse said there was nothing they could do calling paramedics would not help. he called her out "ama" and threw up a bunch of brown blood and just passed away. The doctor explained to my mother-in-law that before dying he would be sleeping, wake up, he would be confused with heavy breathing and that, that was going to it.
It was very sad to see that, but its caused only by themselves.
he will forever be missed and remembered.
Im sorry to here your brother in law pass i know much it hurts i still cant believe my belove uncle pass he was the light of my family we love him and miss him so much it hurts but we r trying to go on with our lives and remeber him like he was when he was live happy,dancing,joking around he use to like to take walks and sit outside and enjoy the sun. i try not to be sad cause i know he wouldnt want me to be sad or crying i kmow hes in a better place now he not in pain or sick. i know its hard but try to go
Im sorry to here your brother in law pass i know much it hurts i still cant believe my belove uncle pass he was the light of my family we love him and miss him so much it hurts but we r trying to go on with our lives and remeber him like he was when he was live happy,dancing,joking around he use to like to take walks and sit outside and enjoy the sun. i try not to be sad cause i know he wouldnt want me to be sad or crying i kmow hes in a better place now he not in pain or sick. i know its hard but try to go
Molly and Denise. Don't rush grieving these people. Cry if you feel it. Take time to think of those good times. Plenty of hugs all around. There is no formula of when and how to grieve. Be sure you also remember that it was not your battle, you or anyone else could not fix them. There was no way to save someone bent on their own depression and hopelessness.
I took my mom to the hospital for DT. They kept her a while and she went home and got drunk. I took her to AA meeting. She couldn't go in the door. I took her to AlAnon meeting for the family. She said they were too disturbing and went home and got drunk. I took her shopping to buy badly needed clothes, she wanted to stop at the liquor store instead. I didn't take her there and she called me all kinds of nasty things. It was all in her. No one could change her. I do not have survivors quilt as it was not about me. No one can change another. Please don't get lost, too. Karen
My dad was diagnosed Aug 2006 & given 5 years. He is on his 6th year and barely making it. My dad is an alcoholic and never stopped drinking. He started using meth to self medicate Oct 2012-March 2013. The only reason he stopped with the meth right now is because my dad fell into a semi-coma all of March 2013 b/c he overdosed and got a blood infection. He came home last week of March even less capable of doing anything himself than before. We now have a caregiver living at the house 24/7 so my mom has help with him (since she still works). My dad is back in the hospital as of 4/19 and has pneumonia... I'm trying to figure out if I need to fly back home (its only an hour flight or a 6 hour drive)... I put my life on hold for him all of March. And it was heartbreaking to have him wake up and still be such an A**hole and jerk to us, on top of going bathroom everywhere.
This is hard and stressful and... overwhelming. I have a feeling my dad will pass away before the end of the year. My baby sister is getting married in Aug. I'm mad that he couldn't put us first & stay away from the meth. He sped up his timeline when he used the drugs again.
I guess I'm just venting on this post right now... I'm sorry.
I pray for you and your family, you all seem very strong, supportive, and loving. He was a lucky man :)
Hello. Your story is as common as mine. You may find a therapist helpful for you to untangle from all the drama, emotions and hopelessness.
My brother made a long trip to see my mom before she died. It was enough for him. She really didn't know and really didn't care before that. He made his peace long before that. I spent the time before she died going through the grieving process. Her last breath was in my presence. That was all.
Go home if your mother needs you. Go about your life. When he call comes, you can go. The misery he brought you need not continue. It is not your fault or misery. Recovering from alcoholic parents doesn't happen until you take charge of your life. By doing so now you will better understand how damaged he was. By doing so now you will stop your pain. My thoughts are with you and countless others who know this pain. Blessings to all. Karen
Your right Denise it is caused by themselves and I've realized that now seeing how selfish my boyfriend is and seeing that the on;y thing that matters in his life is his beer and that"s it.
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