Help needed badly, after 8 years

Hi Zoomy81152,
I feel so bad for you. I've been there.
You have no idea how overwhelmed you are!
Clear your mind right now and take a deep cleansing breath.
Anxiety and Depression have their hands around your neck. It would be “abnormal” with untreated long term high pain levels without any hope in sight. Normal!!!

Why can't you get help with the VA or the doctors doing your surgery?
If you lost trust then you need to make a change.
Do you have an adult friend that can help direct you and be your advocate!
You don't want your daughter burdened. You feel like your hopes and dreams are crushed. Write your daughter an honest letter. Focus on the positives and be sincere about how much you love her. Don't give it to her until you get your plan of action. Sit there while she reads it. Allow her the opportunity to talk. Go from there. Do not dismiss her feelings. They are what they are.
Respect whatever she says without interrupting. Validate her feelings. Stuff like “ I can see why you feel that way” or “what would you do... ” You may learn something new, Dad. Lol,,,

So, let's make a list:

#1 - Forget about moving right now. Your decision-making skills are under the bus. It will all come back when you feel mentally healthy.

#2 - You need counseling! Your helplessness and negativity are so obvious. Like “nothing good will come... ” or your feelings about surgery. If you believe in Karma you may get what you put out there. Be careful.
If you don't want your medical care through the VA, will you take advantage of their mental health division?

You need relief from the depression or you will become a “victim”.
I'm not going to go there because you have to make that decision. Get the fight back in you.
Check with your city/county for a referral.
I'm not dismissing your pain but they go hand in hand and you need a plan. I don't know anything about your meds but anti-depressants accentuate the effectiveness of your pain meds.
The “one size fits all” is not state specific. It's nation-wide under the standards of care presented by the American Chronic Pain Association. Moving without running into the same issues could cost you a fortune plus a disconnect from your daughter.
Could her behavior be a result of helplessness? She can't stand to see you suffer so she chose to be not available emotionally to you. Possibility?

#3 - Do you have a good friend that will agree to help you navigate this process?
Don't let your pride prevent you from asking for help. Everyone needs help at some time during their life. Human nature makes us feel good to be needed. You need to be honest and receptive and above all be grateful for his help. Allow your friend to guide the conversation. Listen and be open-minded or he/she won't feel up to the task.
Don't interrupt and think about what was said before continuing.

#4 - Develop your plan to share with your therapist and your friend.
I think I know what type of care you need. It's a University setting with all the services to meet all your needs. I love Mayo Clinic! You live in MN. Right?
I drove from Philly to MN with a bowel obstruction for help. They saved my life!
I'm about typed out but if you want to continue, I'm here and so are a lot of other people on this site.
Thank you for your service.
Chin up, my friend.
;-)