Hello everyone... newbie to this site...
So - I have been on Suboxone for 3 months now. I basically was taking anything I could get my hands on... started with Vicoden... Perc's..then Oxy's..Roxy's..etc... was on them for about a year. I started with tramadol..(HORRIBLE DRUG) -because it made me feel like supergirl... i could clean... work... be super mom... i felt SO motivated..but stopped after I ran out... (a "friend" gave them to me for free)- and moved on to the "big guns" from this same friend. HOWEVER, i had to pay for these meds... i was taking 8-10 Vicoden a day... then moved on to Roxy's... (about 3-4 30's a day) - costing me $30 a day... i hid this... all of it... from everyone... my husband, job, friends, family..EVERYONE. I finally came clean to my husband..sobbed my eyes out... was going thru withdrawal horribly... i could have won a stupid academy award for hiding this habit for an entire year... he was in shock but it made sense finally to him why i was always so speedy. I blamed it on Red Bulls when talking to friends or family... (that is what i always felt... SPEED... the ability to do anything..it felt great..) - however, i also felt like the most horrible mother on the planet because I am a mother of two beautiful twin 4 year olds and know that they don't know what i was doing but i KNEW i could not carry on this habit forever. Is started to notice how my skin was changing... my weight going down... (too down... ) I KNEW i had to quit. I came clean when withdrawling to my husband. It was so obvious that i was sick, but i couldn't lie anymore. He is a nurse... and never thought in a million years that I would EVER do anything like that. However, he didn't put me on a guilt trip. Instead he got me help. He read online about treatment facilities, etc... but i refused to go... i HAVE to keep this a secret..being in the profession i am in. My husband reached a Dr. right away that could see me right away..(he researched Suboxone online) - I went in... he did all these little tests like look in my eyes from behind me..have me do a test where I held my arms out in front of me... of course filled out the questionnaire and I checked YES on every single question..Yes... i have a runny nose... body aches... chills..anxiety... diarrhea... overall felt like dying... he prescribed me enough for one week... had to come back..if my urine was clean i would come back monthy. of course it came back clean..and i have been going monthly ever since. However, I take a half tablet in the am and a half at 5 pm. the bottle says 8 - 2 mg. what does that mean?? well... as SOON as i took my first tablet..(i took a whole one that afternoon because he told me to) - about a half hour to an hour later i was back to normal. It, to me, was the wonder drug. it saved my life. I have been taking the same amount for 3 months now but today i experienced something odd. I took my regular AM dose and my heart started to race... i started to sweat... it scared me. My husband took my vitals..i was ok... but i took .50 clonezpam, (been on it since my kids were born..(almost 4 yrs... I gave birth to triplets and when one of my sons passed due to prematurity i needed something to calm me down)... my therapist seems to think i started this habit as an escape being as i do not have a history of addiction. however, i know i started this habit because it gave me the ability to keep up with life. i was always so tired... and all these drugs did was give me the "boost" i needed. My questions are: How long will i really be on this stuff?? Should I taper down on my own?? Is constipation a huge issue for any of you?? it is for me... all of the time. Any suggestions/help..feedback so appreciated... it felt good to vent... thank you if anything for reading this.
And Damn..no spell check... please forgive me for any typo's...
