I know that this question might not really be considered medically related but not sure where else to turn at this point. I'm hoping someone else will have some experience in this and an idea what I'm in for. I am on 3mg of suboxone and have been for .. I guess about two weeks now.. not sure. I was planning to taper quickly but at the advice of my doc.. my therapist and some folks here.. I'm grateful to be stable and am going to take my time coming off. I like how i'm feeling now. Anyway.. Strangely my childrens father seemed to be much more supportive and hopeful for me when I was using. Since i've been on subs.. its been a week of hell in so far as we are concerned. I understand his fears and anxieties.. since we have had our issues and most of them have come from me. My using effected my relationship probably more than any other aspect of my life. At this point things have gotten really tough between us and he's pulling the no family court is going to give an H junkie with a couple weeks "clean" and still on subs her children. However.. I have always been my kids primary caregiver. There is no job I take more seriously than mom.. nothing I try harder at. Nothing that gets more of my attention. Even in use my kids weren 't ever exposed to the using or the lifestyle that went with it.. I'm not justifying it. I'm saying that I wasn't stupid about the dirt I was in. I work three days a week but at night so I've always been home with them during their days. They are both smart, bright and good natured kids, I hope partly because of the time I've invested... reading, working with them to learn, keeping them involved in activities with other children and just loving them.. with everything I have to give. I am dedicated to staying clean no matter what right now.. but having my kids taken from me would be an extremely hard thing to deal with and I feel its undeserved. My relapse lasted approx. 2-3 months and before that I'd been clean for about a year.. The previous relapse had lasted about the same amount of time and prior to that I'd had four years. I just want to know if anyones gone through this. I am praying and in a way hopeful because of all the things my husband has ever said about me, that I'm a bad mom has never crossed his lips because he knows its just not the truth. If anything he's always praised me and told me how grateful he was he had this "type" of mom.. whatever that is.. any help would be appreciated. I am genuinely scared. My kids are my life. We all make mistakes, fall down.. but I got right back up and put myself together. They need me.. and I couldn't stand myself like that... Hoping for help!
Does anyone know how being on suboxone would effect my chances in a custody hearing?
Question posted by mary..81 on 25 March 2011
Last updated on 27 March 2011
Answers
Hey Mary, you certainly aren't the only parent here who has had custody issues and asked subs questions. Long story short, there is no concrete answer but do ask your attorney for his or her advice. Each state, county, and city have different laws, so, your attorney should have the real answer, if there is one. I will tell you that I offer you my total support and am keeping you in my Prayers. I have had a similar problem, and can only tell you to keep listening to your attorney, call and write the kids if you are not allowed visitation or overnights. This is to let the kids know you are thinking of them always. This is going to be the hard part, no matter how mean, or rude your ex is to you right now, do NOT react negatively. Be gracious, and calm, this more than anything will calm him down, and show that you have made a big turn for the better. If your ex will allow it, go to some counseling WITH the kids, pick a family counselor. It will help establish that you only want the best for your kids and are willing to do the foot work to establish a better relationship. Make sure you have support at your house when the kids aren't there and you are lonely, sad, frightened, remorseful, angry, desperate, vacant or any combination of those emotions. Just because someone has a substance dependence problems does NOT make them a terrible parent and there are terrible parents who do NOt have substance dependence problems. Most of us realize that, I believe you were a good parent. I know that I always say get counseling, but it really can help. Hang in there Girlfriend, we are all Praying for you. It will get better, it does take some time tho. Stay strong and calm. Don't dwell on the bad past, look and head for the good future. Patti Ps, your kids will always love you and miss you when they are not around you, they will probably be driving your ex crazy to see you. He will not be able to erase from their lives. You gave birth to them, they are part of you literally, they will want to see you.
Hi Mary81 No offense taken. It's my own fault for not keeping everyone straight (pardon the pun) who has contributed to help me. I ditto everything Pattishan61 says, and says so well. We are all just in this to help each other and I wish I could offer more than "keep doing what you're doing" and prayers for you. I hope you keep this community informed about your experience because it will help someone else. I think we should all collaborate on a book. I never thought I was addicted until I tried to come off of this stuff ( polite ) after it was prescribed by one doctor and dispensed by one pharmacy. It's a racket and it's ruining lives.
You are so right cleanzgood... its a trap. I belive that the government would rather see us hooked to drugs they can dispense and regulate and thats the only reason these things are created. I wish there was more talk of the solution rather than the problem but I think all to often people come here suffering through the problem and when we find the real solution we don't come back. 12 step programs are god sent.. literally.. and a return to spirituality is necesarry in order to have a new life. I'm happy I found this site. I am surprised at how much its helped me to have someone to consult or confide in. Thanks again for your feedback
Absolutely! Every time I turn around there is another article or news flash on the topic of over 50 (that's me) and legally prescribed drugs becoming the #1 drug problem in the nation. Age doesn't really matter; it's just that as you get older, things start happening that hurt. Sort of a no brainer; but all you have to do is turn on the tv and every other ad is for a magic bean. The problem is that pain is so subjective and when you really hurt you need relief. I don't want anyone to suffer. But when you get hooked on these pills, personally, I don't know of any pain worse than getting clean. Narcotics need to be prescribed judiciously. My pain doctor had her prescription pad out before I had taken off my coat; no evaluation, no "has your pain changed from last month?" Just; here you go, see you next month. Then off to the pharmacy and they were happy to see me too.
When the government steps in to regulate doctors who are too disorganized or out of it themselves, there are going to be a lot of people with a habit they will either have to kick or feed.
Hi Mary..81 -- Congratulations of starting your new life. Every day you add another little building block to the foundation of trust your children and their father will feel for you. Hopefully, your ex will want you to get better and be there for your children--- NOT sabotage you in early recovery. Your children will always need access to both of their parents. Their relationships in adulthood will be based on what they observe from you and their father. Taper slowly from the suboxone. I am not a doctor, but I didn't rush it. The less you take, and the further apart you take it, the better. You will have some withdrawal. I don't think there is any way around it, but from what I gather talking to others who have been through it (and I have been through it too) it seems the less time you are on it, the easier it is to stop. This is a wonderful site to get advice from people who have "been there." For some reason, doctors do not seem to give information about Suboxone very freely. You almost have to ask specific questions with a "yes" or "no" answer or they won't give the information you need. I don't know what that is all about, but that was my experience, and the same goes for several friends. You might also consider going to a 12 step program, and doing exactly as the program suggests; sponsor, steps, 90/90, you will find out. If therapy is an option for you, do that too. Being on Subs is not a crime and judges have different opinions, but the fact that you are trying to get clean, and anything else you can do to enhance your recovery will probably be considered. Good luck!! C
cleanzgood,
Great response !! Mary, I wish you well on your endeavor to keep your children, keep your chin up and be proud of what you've done !!
sweetlemon
Ok... I hear everything your saying cleanzgood.. but you've forgotten that I commented on your question not that long ago and highlighted the importance of recovery in getting clean. I am no begginer to 12 step programs.. as I had said to you before. I also gave you advice on how to taper off the subs.. from what I've done myself and from what I've seen others do succesfully. I appreciate you taking the time to respond yet it really doesn't give me any idea as to what I'm in for with the custody battle. That is what I really need to know. I know how to get and stay clean.. I know how to get off subs.. I already have a sponser, AND a therapist, know the ninety and ninety and so on. I had many years clean at one point and I know how to keep my clean time.. and how to lose it. Its the fact that while im still on the suboxone I'm working to strengthen my early recovery through NA...
and its only been two weeks on and i'm only on 3mg so I'm not really trying to rush it... and I need to know what that would mean for me and their father that has me asking.. Although like I said.. I appreciate your effort.
You might want to consult an attorney regarding this matter.
Then you are already doing everything you can do. Again, good for you.
I meant to add I would go with Sweetlemon about the legalities. I doubt you will get legal advice here, and lay advice is not what you need. And thanks Sweetlemon for your kind remark.
Hey cleanzgood,
You deserved a "atta gurl" on that answer !!
sweetlemon
i wasn't knocking your advice, just saying it wasn't exactly what I was looking for. Although I will say keep it coming for other members, because like i've said in the past all this drug talk and people rarely talk of recovery. We are almost all capable of getting off.. but staying off requires a lot of extra work!
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- Suboxone uses and safety info
- Suboxone prescribing info & package insert (for Health Professionals)
- Side effects of Suboxone (detailed)
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