My boyfriend took 2 grams of coke to himself the other night. He rarely does coke and i mean very rarely but it wasnt his first time. Anyway we are both 18 and he went off and had sex with a 31 year old. He is so ashamed of himself he was crying and nearly getting sick the next day when he told me. He has gotten so much abuse from his friends for cheating on me and i know he is genuinely sorry. The thing is he blames it on taking coke. He described how it felt : that he went out and was convinced he didnt have a girlfriend, he said he was drenched in his own sweat and dancing on his own, he said he felt like he could run through walls and nothing would happen. He swares that he'll never do drugs again and i know hes not addicted. But is it fair for him to blame the cheating on coke? It seems to be the biggest mistake of his life hes so upset and sorry he hates himself but i dont know whether to forgive him. Do i excuse him this once and tell him its over for good if he ever does it ( coke or cheating) again?
Can he excuse cheating on taking coke?
Question posted by starkusr on 29 Dec 2010
Last updated on 29 October 2021 by suelynnrehman
3 Answers
Well I don't mean to sound insensitive or rude. But I've done a tremendous amount of coke and still do it just not as much as I use to. But I've never cheated on any of my ex girlfriends or even my now wife. And I would and still do 5 to 10 grams a night. I know the drug has different effects on people specially in their mood when they start doing it. But I think he is just using his use of coke as a cover for cheating. For me personally I just get very down and depressed or want to be around people more. Usually when I do it I feel compelled to open up to people and tell them everything about myself. Even the things I keep most secret and fear of someone finding out.
Sorry if I was a little long winded and blunt. But I've never known anyone cheating on their partner while on coke.
I want to give you the answer you need on the one hand he should have done better, he cannot do this and expect you to tolerate this type of behavior I don't like to be harsh, I like people and I want to be fair, make sure he understands that he is either going to have to do one or the other give up the coke or loose you, I think thats more than fair, if he knew enough to do it then he should have stopped knowing that things like this could lead to bad behavior, Do you really care for him? is he someone you can trust? has he made multiple bad decisions like this in the past? I like to think a predictor of the future is what has happened in the past, if you decide to give him another chance just point blank tell him no more excuses that if this happens again there is nothing for you to discuss it has to be up to you, I don't want to sway you and perhaps make the wrong decision, be upfront with yourself, do you think he is worth you giving him a second chance?
if so then you have to be strong and lay it down to him that this is not acceptable and you will not accept him treating you this way again I hope I have given you advice that turns out to be the best for you, he is a very fortunate person to have someone like you, but stick to what you say if you do decide to allow him back then make sure he understands that you expect behavior out of him that shows he deserves you I wish you only the very best
Hats off to you Caringsonbj. You are much more compassionate with these kind of questions. I have a zero tolerence policy when it comes to romantic relationships and drug use and cheating are definetly a deal breaker in my book. Maybe I could learn to be a little sweeter like you.
As far as I'm concerened the coke is a much bigger deal than the cheating.
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